Working in healthcare, there is no shortage of people who are  very upset, completely insane, or at least, downright assholes. While difficult people are certainly not isolated to the healthcare profession, they are abundant. To be completely fair, being sick, having a sick loved one, and/or getting really bad news tends to turn a normal human into a screaming monster psychopath in short order. Even if you’re not a healthcare worker, these ideas can be applied to virtually anybody with a bad attitude… yay!

There are a few main reasons why I’ve found people become unruly and unpleasant:

• They’re scared
• They’ve lost control
• They’re upset about something that has nothing to do with you and you’re just the nearest being with a pulse
• They have no magic in their life
• They’re just an asshat

Scared/lost control:

• “I’m sorry this has happened” or “I can see how frustrating this would be” goes a looooong way and can turn a terrible interaction into a meaningful, compassionate moment. People appreciate when you see where they’re coming from. Verbalizing that you can imagine their perspective really does help (even if they are in fact, being unreasonable). I use these phrases frequently and (if I’ve read the room correctly) it usually ends up in the formerly-crabby person crying. Sympathy man, it goes a long way.

Upset about something not at all related to you:

• Getting into the habit of giving someone the benefit of the doubt (even when/especially when they don’t deserve it) helps you to react in an appropriate/controlled manner, and also it is beneficial to you from a mental health standpoint. My husband and I have a routine we do regularly when one of us is upset at a stranger (say, a cashier that is particularly snotty). The non-upset person says, “Maybe their dog just died” or “maybe their mom just got a terrible diagnosis”. While this method is admittedly #dark, it immediately invokes compassion and is effective in preventing yourself from going down the pissed off rabbit hole. And who knows? Maybe they are dealing with something horrific that you’ll never know about. It is never regrettable to be kind toward a hurting person. What’s the saying? Hurt people hurt people. Atul Gawande has this great idea called the, “double down technique” — spend twice as much time with people who you want to spend the least amount of time with. We should all be so wise as AG.

No magic in their lives/just an asshat:

• Speak with absolute authority. DO NOT let them smell blood. You are the most confident person in the room.
• “That’s enough.” This phrase is swift and effective. It’s not rude, but it’s also not passive. It can be used when someone is being difficult towards anyone, even if it’s not you. 10/10 would recommend.
• When shit gets real and someone cannot be reasoned with, remember that “no.”  Is a complete sentence. If someone is making you feel unsafe fuck politeness and get your sweet self outta there.

Do no harm, but take no shit.